Thurs April 23rd

I went for a run this morning and my usual pathway was flooded! My shoes got soaked! Luckily it wasn't cold. All this rain is crazy!!!

I feel very grouchy and depressed today. I think ultimately it's the weather that's causing my glumness, even though it feels like other things are what's causing it. Everything feels annoying. Lisey's craziness feels more crazy.  Plus looking around the house and thinking of putting everything in boxes just makes me overwhelmed. It's just one of those days the forces seem to be fighting against you and everything seems terrible. I know it's the weather. It's super ultra gloomy today. I always get down when it's overcast and dark out, especially when it's been that way for awhile.

 Yes I know I get SAD (seasonal depression). It's just hard to remember that it's the weather that's making you feel bad, when the other things seem to be the culprit. I really do have a good life. I have a lot to be grateful for. Writing down my feelings is a good way to be reminded of that. In the wirlwind of life, it's easy to forget that there are so many good things when you seem to be surrounded by the bad. Thank you Heavenly Father for writing. I can see as I'm writing down my feelings that I've had a very bad attitude today. And, as I constantly remind Ella, happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy. You can't change your initial reaction but you can choose how your going to feel afterwards. Though you can't change your initial reaction, Heavenly Father can change it over time I think. For example the more I practice acting patience even when my initial thoughts are to yell, I think Heavenly Father will bless me over time to not even feel the urge to yell at all (at least I hope that's what happens). I just need to practice it a ton. 

I need to practice being more patience with Lisey. She has so many great and wonderful talents and a sweetness that's beyond compare but she also knows how to push the line. I need to say a consequence for not listening and then follow through on it. Too many times I either can't think of a consequence or I'm trying to juggle both Link and Lisey and it's too much work to put her in time out or what not. But both Lisey and I will be happier if Lisey learns to listen. I'll be happier because I won't feel like such a wretched mom and Lisey will be happier because she won't see me acting like a wretched mom.  

I was a wretched mom today. I've been painting the girls tea party table red with a black chalk top. Yesterday I let Lisey help me. She painted her whole naked body red and got some in her hair. The tub turned pink and it was a big mess to clean up. Today Lisey wanted to help me paint again. I had to move the project to the garage because it was raining. I did not want to have a huge mess in there to clean up. But Lisey was asking so cute "can I help you? Can I help you?" How can I say no to "can I help you?"? 

Well I should have...because the min she dripped paint on the floor I yelled and then felt guilty and terrible like I always do after I yell. I ended up giving her a box to paint with her washable paints. Wouldn't it have been better if I'd thought of that from the beginning and ditched the whole yelling scene? Oh well as Nick always says "hind sight's 20/20". 

Lisey, Link and I went for a walk while joan took Ella to gymnastics to try and fight off the depression. Even Lisey seems to be affected by the weather today. She road her trike for awhile then got frustrated and layed in the ground. Oh well tomo is another day.