Sat Aug 1st

The kids made a cool box house and put it in the basement. These poor kids need some fun in their lives. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why is it so hard to make decisions? Tiredness, stress, and choices do not go well together. Then there's the regret that comes with any choice I make. I hate that about myself, it's my biggest fault. Indecision. 

The new house and the move has come with lots of new choices. How do I want the rooms to look? What's my style? I have a very opinionated mom, sister and husband. But what do i like? I don't even know. And in that statement lies my biggest downfalll. I don't know. I don't know what I like. I don't know what to get? What's worth the money? What's not? I don't know. It makes me want to scream. I don't know. 

We slept at our house in Lehi last night (all but Ella who slept at Will's house) and it was great waking up and working while the kids slept. Mom stayed too then left at 7am to get the kids from efy. The house is looking better and better. I just hate how much money I've spent on everything. DI and ikea trips are expensive. I just hate it bc it's money we don't have. I'm putting it all on the credit card. I know that's a bad choice. But then I also want the house to look nice. Mom's trying to help me, but style and beauty are expensive. And then my indecisiveness comes into play and it just turns into a great big mess. OK I writing this at 4am. Maybe I'm being a little hard on myself and the morning will look brighter. I hope so. Right now I just miss Nick and my stomach feels churny from regret of my bad choices. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! OK go to sleep Brooke. It's fine that you decided to go to Sians house for the night and go to their ward so you didn't have to be alone but really you just wanted to start getting into the new routine and go to the new ward, but loneliness won. It's fine that's you don't like how the living room is turning out.  It's fine you spent all that money on things at DI you don't really like. It's fine. I guess life is about making choices... An indecisive person's nihhtmare. I guess I'm back to my original sentiments... Ahhhhh!

Ok a prayer and a little scripture reading made all the difference. Now I can go to sleep. What do I want? A home where I can feel peace and the spirit. Nick wanted to buy me an apple watch as a gift with our credit card points (isn't he a sweetie ) but I think I'm going to buy a beautiful picture of Christ for the living room. I think that that will give my living room the feeling it's missing. Sweet dreams.